Free Will Vs. Intuition
I’ve struggled with my own battles of wanting to be in control and fighting against my intuition. This has resulted in so many frustrating moments and then feeling absolutely ridiculous for not following my intuition. My internal battle has lasted for years. I chose about a year ago to stop battling and trust my intuitions. This has come in the form of gut feeling, telepathy, guides both physical and non, my higher self communication, observing signs and symbols, and embodied sensations. Perhaps these things are “woo woo” to you and you’re willing to write them off immediately. I don’t care. I know what is true for me and if this is not true for you that is. For me, this battle has been three fold: feeling like I’m relinquishing my capacity to choose my destiny (feeling like a pawn), not trusting my intuition's validity, and wanting to be in control. Through the many years of pushing away what my intuition was telling me and then constantly getting “smacked down” by something that could have been avoided had I listened to my intuition, I learned experientially that my intuition is valid. I also realized that I had been told through conditioning that intuition is hypothetical and not really valuable. Through my experience this is some patriarchal bullshit! My intuition, once I truly began listening that is, has saved my ass! Gone are the days when I trust someone else’s stories over my intuition. One of the other battles I’ve gone through is feeling that if I surrender to my intuition then I am merely a pawn in the grand scheme of life and I don’t get to choose my destiny. Although I still do not comprehend destiny, what I have found is that following my intuition makes life’s boulders into much smaller rocks. Currently this is enough for me to continue to allow my intuition to lead. And the third battle I’ve struggled with is the desire to be in control to have free-will to choose what I do. This seems identical to the previous battle, yet for me it feels slightly different. The experience has been an intuitive sensation and then part of me says but I don’t want to do that. An example is going to the grocery store and “feeling” I must get this apple and then my mind saying I don’t want an apple I want an orange. This battle is with mind or the egoic patterned me. In the past I’ve loved oranges so of course I will love them this time, I want to be in control of what I want. This argument is hilarious and yet has happened to all of us whether in the light of awareness or not. What I have come to realize is that my intuition is much more aligned and aware moment to moment of my True self compared to my patterned thoughts and behaviours. This recognition has allowed me to let go more to follow my intuition. I still continue to surrender more and more to my inner guidance and sometimes I still get the smack down when I don't. I invite you all to experiment with your intuition and see what happens when you trust it and when you don’t.
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