 The toggle between pleasure and pain creates a prison world. Seeking, seeking, seeking a safe space that is harmonious, known, comfortable. This seems so practical and is completely understandable and yet is an illusion. Life is pain and pleasure. When you resist either of these you create more suffering, more uncomfortable sensations than is actually necessary. Let us say that you are going through a heart wrenching break up and the pain is so immense you continue to avoid feeling the intensity of heartbreak. The feelings are uncomfortable, scary, and uncontrollable–you push them down so you can live. The thought is I control my emotions, my emotions don’t control me! And yet you are controlled by the fear of feeling your emotions. This fear that you indulge in creates resistance to what is and that resistance is dis-ease or suffering. We aren’t taught that the unknown path of accepting what is might actually be the most comfortable path. The prison world that we create for ourselves can seem so safe because it is predictable and emotionally dampened. If we admit that we are part of the chaos of life then we would need to be open to experiencing it and relinquish the walls of confined control. We would have to own that we are actually here, here full of pain and pleasure including all of the damned sins and innocent purity. The only safe space is inside the here and now.
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 Being receptive or being dumped on can seem very similar to the one receiving. It can often feel like in order to be receptive or open to receiving love you must also be open to receiving anything. Feeling dumped on energetically, verbally, emotionally can feel absolutely disgusting. This has been a pattern that women are supposed to be these vessels for dumping; you can see the reflection of this in the trash sites that we have on Earth just dumping out our crap. You yourself must take your power back to stop being dumped on. I know it can feel challenging because any attention/energy can at times feel better than no attention even if that means being dumped on. And if you do the dumping you must begin to take responsibility for your own pain and sit with it as if it was a wounded child that needs care. In both cases the dumpee or the dumper, must reclaim their own autonomy and internal power.
For some, they are capable of receiving anything because they are able to transmute any energy and come from the place that energy is energy is energy meaning there isn’t “good” or “bad” energy. If you are not at this place of capacity it is extremely useful to “bounce” energies off of you that you don’t want to receive. It is completely ok to pull out your Kali sword of rage and hold your own boundaries. Let’s say someone is being cruel to you and in the past you have felt you should just take it, it's easier and you still love them. In fact when you don’t listen to yourself you are disrespecting yourself regardless of their needs/wants/desires. If someone is crossing a boundary of yours you can take your energetic sword and cut through the bullshit of yourself and the other and say NO! This in a softer way is creating a bounce effect so that the other’s energy does not come into yours. In some way you are saying NO! Whether that be soft, aggressive, loud really whatever works. And then, this is essential, return to the receptive openness that is natural to you.  I am so angry and hurt that you took from me.
That you controlled me. That you thought me less than you. That you took advantage of me. That you blamed me for YOUR ignorance! That you lost your way and I can no longer trust you. That you have become obsessed with my sexuality and not my deepest feminine essence of life itself. I’m sad that it has come to this and you have lost your honor. I’m frustrated that you can’t even admit this! I’m frustrated that you are a coward. You hide behind your gloating, your placating, even your aggression. I'm not here to tell you what to do or who to be–I’m asking you to look at what is. Thousands of Years you have held women down in what you believed to be their place, owned as your property, no vote, no say, take it or die… literally. You've put women against each other in order to survive. To “win” over a man that can support us financially because we weren't allowed to work. You made us believe we were less than you. You made us believe we were worthless, pathetic, incapable and must bow to your every whim. You made us believe that it is a shame to be a women, to be sexual, to be in pleasure, to have a period, to be emotional, to be desireable, to be wise, to be a witch, to be powerful, to have a voice that is different from yours, to be different from you at all. I am angry that you are a coward incapable of standing in Truth. I am angry that Women have now had to play Both of the feminine and masculine roles! I can’t believe you didn’t stand up for what is right, for honoring the feminine. You gave into dominance rather than steering. You gave into lust rather than loving. You gave into greed rather than trust. You gave into taking out of fear rather than giving it your all. You followed like a little sheep rather than charting your own course. You disgraced rather than sacredly honored. You forgot your place in the whole. You forgot and thought you had the control. I am ashamed to live amongst cowards…it hurts to see this. It hurts that you cannot admit your own shortcomings and continue to blame Women. And now you bow down to money as your god again forgetting your deeper purpose. You forget to open your heart and discover your deepest Truest desire; beneath fear, rage, anger, lust, devotion beneath it all what is there. I don’t know where this ship will go. I do know it is time for Women to take their power back and for you to earn trust.  I’ve struggled with my own battles of wanting to be in control and fighting against my intuition. This has resulted in so many frustrating moments and then feeling absolutely ridiculous for not following my intuition. My internal battle has lasted for years. I chose about a year ago to stop battling and trust my intuitions. This has come in the form of gut feeling, telepathy, guides both physical and non, my higher self communication, observing signs and symbols, and embodied sensations. Perhaps these things are “woo woo” to you and you’re willing to write them off immediately. I don’t care. I know what is true for me and if this is not true for you that is. For me, this battle has been three fold: feeling like I’m relinquishing my capacity to choose my destiny (feeling like a pawn), not trusting my intuition's validity, and wanting to be in control. Through the many years of pushing away what my intuition was telling me and then constantly getting “smacked down” by something that could have been avoided had I listened to my intuition, I learned experientially that my intuition is valid. I also realized that I had been told through conditioning that intuition is hypothetical and not really valuable. Through my experience this is some patriarchal bullshit! My intuition, once I truly began listening that is, has saved my ass! Gone are the days when I trust someone else’s stories over my intuition. One of the other battles I’ve gone through is feeling that if I surrender to my intuition then I am merely a pawn in the grand scheme of life and I don’t get to choose my destiny. Although I still do not comprehend destiny, what I have found is that following my intuition makes life’s boulders into much smaller rocks. Currently this is enough for me to continue to allow my intuition to lead. And the third battle I’ve struggled with is the desire to be in control to have free-will to choose what I do. This seems identical to the previous battle, yet for me it feels slightly different. The experience has been an intuitive sensation and then part of me says but I don’t want to do that. An example is going to the grocery store and “feeling” I must get this apple and then my mind saying I don’t want an apple I want an orange. This battle is with mind or the egoic patterned me. In the past I’ve loved oranges so of course I will love them this time, I want to be in control of what I want. This argument is hilarious and yet has happened to all of us whether in the light of awareness or not. What I have come to realize is that my intuition is much more aligned and aware moment to moment of my True self compared to my patterned thoughts and behaviours. This recognition has allowed me to let go more to follow my intuition. I still continue to surrender more and more to my inner guidance and sometimes I still get the smack down when I don't. I invite you all to experiment with your intuition and see what happens when you trust it and when you don’t.
 A Woman's powerhouse is her sexuality/sensuality. Her capacity to be embodied in this form is a gift. You can blame and shame this aspect all you want and nothing will change. If the male stops blaming the female aspect for all of his woes and takes responsibility for his own lack of consciousness then he might actually see his reflection through her. His pain and fear of heartache, his fear of wanting so badly he would need to give of himself fully, the fear of change, fear of facing death. Blame Blame Blame, Control Control Control. The same feminine essence that is in that Slut is the same that is in the massive Hurricane, a baby being birthed, a weed bursting forth in between sidewalk cracks… uncontrollable. How ever long it takes, how ever many games you will play she can never ever be controlled. The very essence you seek is also being repressed by calling women promiscuous, sluts, lude.
I grew up in a religious household where it was improper to be a slut, to dress a certain way, to act sexual, to even be sexual. Just because men are unpracticed in the art of sexual control does not mean women need to repress their innate sensuality. The truth is, men, you want the peace from offloading your energy whether it be through fucking or a cold beer. That stillness of nothingness. Whether that delicious Slut is there or not is indifferent at that point of awareness. Your desire remains to empty yourself into a space of nothingness. Surely you can do better than shaming or controlling a woman's innate gift. What does the Slut want? Love. She craves to be penetrated through love–completely illuminated through conscious love. To be opened completely, ravished, surrender to the Divine. On the mundane physical level this might look like fucking for hours and hours unleashing layers and layers of opening. On an energetic level this might look like an ocean of love penetrating all of her darkest corners into love. She craves the deep inner strength of a man combined with love and presence.  Part of any “Awakening” involves disidentification with who you believe yourself to be. You might think to yourself and even say to others, I’m a: Mom, Engineer, Sister, Uncle, Yogi, Healer, Female, Human Being, my looks, my physical body, my thoughts, my emotions etc. Although these can really, really, really feel and seem that we are these things--we are not. These are all roles that we “do” in life but it is not Who we are.
So, who exactly are we then? Each of us is a unique reflection of the interconnected whole, an essence. When we come across Some One, we instantly label and identify them. Man, white, old, thin, well dressed, loud. Next person, child, playful, cute, pink dress. Ourselves woman, big, curly hair, high heels. Language has given the gift to allow us to identify and connect but language cannot actually give the experience of Who someone is. The art of being no one is acknowledging that all of the identities, stories and me/myself/I are verbal agreements to help describe something that is indescribable. They are words. Does an animal cease to be because they do not use words? Would wind still exist if we had no word to describe it? Words are merely directional pointers. Saying wind and expressing the feeling of wind does not actually mean you experience wind. This is akin to you. You can talk all you want to yourself and others about who you are and you will still miss the actual experience, the quintessence of your being-ness… no one, no thing, no labels. But I must be someone! If I am no one, then how do you tell me from another no one? You still have all of your roles and the body vessel you interface with, however you are awake to the essence that you are. Here is a practice to assist in experiencing you: Everytime you are driving, become excruciatingly aware that you are driving. Feel your hands. Observe your breath. Where are your feet? What does your butt feel like on the seat? Take notice of everything that you see. What is the sensation in your chest? Warm? Cool? (Everytime you realize you’re thinking and not feeling, bring your attention back to the above sensations.)  Why is it that you are attracted to some people and not others? Some people just have a magnetic pull with you that is so exciting and some people feel neutral like friends and others actually feel repulsive. Each of us has a sexual energy that is constantly emitting a signal, kind of like a radio frequency. At times this signal is stronger and at other times more subdued. The “feminine” sexual energy which can be in any body, holds the receptive, surrender, flow, creative, cooperative, watery, acceptance of what is, yin essence. The “masculine” sexual energy which can be in any body, holds steady as a mountain, takes action, is giving, fiery, competitive, yang essence. Deep down everyone that holds the feminine sexual energy wants to be penetrated in love, deeply surrendering and just finally let go. In the story of today we have been taught that in order to be a strong and powerful female you must be like a man: take action, be competitive, don’t give up! This can be very useful at times of course and it is very depleting for the feminine. Feminine energy people hold the great power of pulling things to themselves instead of pushing. The strength of feeling so deeply the world is profound and alive. To surrender and trust the flow of life. We as females have been pushed off course believing that a man’s way is right for us. Believing we must push on through, fight our way up, don’t trust your feelings, do not show your vulnerability. Women are “drying up” and the juice of life is stale, flat, and exhausted. I know, I have done and been all of these things. Pushing instead of allowing, getting angry instead of just letting go, even competing with myself to prove my worth instead of co-creating with life. It’s exhausting and there is another way. It is normal and absolutely worthwhile to take time, go with the flow, play, create for the pure pleasure of creating, feel so deeply you cry and laugh simultaneously, learn to pull things towards you, surrender and open to life. As you allow your feminine energy to rejuvenate daily the masculine energy people will be drawn towards you like a magnet. They will hold doors for you, be of service to you, assist you and help protect you. The masculine energy craves to give and be needed. It is a beautiful symbiotic flow that can happen between the poles. This magnetism can also be used for attracting the masculine sexual partner you truly crave. If you are currently attracting more feminine partners this most likely means you are more in your masculine essence. Just keep practicing surrender, surrender, surrender and see what happens. Open to the loving juiciness of life.
Attempting to describe our current situation often feels like trying to tell a fish that they're surrounded by water. What is patriarchy and why does it matter? Patriarchy is the supremacy of the masculine qualities over a family, clan, institution or society. Supremacy being key here in that the feminine qualities are seen as less important. Some masculine qualities include: linear thinking, goal-oriented action, intellectual processing/perceiving, and believing oneself to be separate from nature. Some feminine qualities include: horizontal thinking, emotional/feeling processing, experiential perception, nourishment, and intuition. The feminine and masculine reside in every body and in every gender. When respected and in balance they feed into each other creating a deep alignment with one's being-ness to take action in the physical world. When the feminine qualities are seen as separate and less than the following can occur: dry perception lacking emotions, individuality and separation, aggression and war, loss of connection to oneself and nature. To put all of this into a larger context, over 5,000 years ago femininity was revered. Then slowly masculinity was seen as better and more important. This shift also included worshiping Goddesses and Gods to then suppress Goddess worship all together. Finally holding that there is only one God and it is Male. It was only in 1920, one hundred years ago, that women were included in the voting process. From the 1920s to present there is still this flavor of women being here to serve men, to nurture society, and stay in “their place” (meaning where a man deems this place to be). This is the more female bodied and male bodied aspects of this larger myth of masculine superiority playing out.Have you internalized patriarchal beliefs?
The XXX, Adult Films, Hot and Horny Women etc etc etc. It's unlikely you somehow have not heard about porn either first hand or from a friend. What you may not have heard is the mounds of research showing the negative impacts of pornography. I often feel like culturally there's pressure as a female to simply accept and go with the status quo; rhetoric along the lines of "shut up bitch and take it" or "what's the big deal" come to mind. With the mounds of research now in to me the question is, why are we all still accepting pornography?
Some Facts About Pornography 1) It is addicting. 2) Porn reprograms the neurological wiring making people less capable of intimacy, connection, and love. 3) Regularly watching can lead to erectile disfunction. 4) Frequent use can lead to violence and domestic abuse is a third more likely. 5) Sex trafficking and coercion are integral components of the porn industry. 6) People are seen as sexual objects--detached from their being-ness. There are many more facts and research these are just some that really shocked me. I felt like I was intuitively aware of these dangers yet have also felt the "what's the big deal" rhetoric. On a personal level I feel the lack of intimacy when with a partner that engages with porn and almost daily feel that there is this overall sense that I am seen as a "fuckable" and don't exist as a whole human. These facts to me point towards the rape culture and belittlement of women on a whole. For more info: https://brainheartworld.org/ |
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